


Say Your Prayers (They Fall on Deaf Ears)

by TheMonsterBookofFanfiction



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Canon, Self-Hatred, Sex, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25237450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMonsterBookofFanfiction/pseuds/TheMonsterBookofFanfiction
Summary: Nicky can remember his start with Yusuf like it was all yesterday. Even if he can not remember his mother’s face, or his father’s voice, or how his little sisters would sing for him, he can remember meeting his other half without missing a detail.A look at how it all started and how they came to be Nicky and JoeNot Betaed, if anyone wants to go for it. I know I changed past and present tense a lot
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 33
Kudos: 701





	Say Your Prayers (They Fall on Deaf Ears)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone I hope you enjoy my first Old Guard fic. If you want to go read more big sad I have another fic called When The Hurt Sets In, still about Joe and Nicky. If you want to come yell at me on Tumblr about how dare I my Tumblr for writing is @monsterbookoffanfiction hope to see yall there, and enjoy the story! Kudos and Comments get me through work and grad school!

Nicky can remember his start with Yusuf like it was all yesterday. Even if he can not remember his mother’s face, or his father’s voice, or how his little sisters would sing for him, he can remember meeting his other half without missing a detail. 

They met on the battlefield, having dreams of each other for years before they met, those dreams always scared Nicky the way that his inability to tear his eyes off the other soldiers as they trained naked did. They sped toward each other at full speed on horseback and impaled each other on their swords, at that moment Nicky was sure this was God’s will, to make sure he would never sin or turn against the church in unforgivable ways. But then they woke up, after dreaming of two women who lied with each other like husband and wife and fought with each other like soldiers who were trained together for decades, to an empty battlefield surrounded by death and blood. They would spend the next two weeks trying to kill each other, yelling to their Gods, yell to each other, and pleading for an end. As Booker said, just because we keep living doesn’t mean it stops hurting. In those two weeks, the battle had left the land that they stood on, going to the next place that needed to be stolen in the name of the Lord. 

After two weeks of dying and coming back, Yusuf offered Nicolo his hand saying something that Nicky at the time could not understand, but would still be able to recognize as a peace offering, and the end to the cycle of temporary death at each other’s hands. “ _ I do not think Allah wants me to kill you, so peace,” _ Yusuf said in his native tongue, still knowing that Nicky could not understand him, as the hand was offered and his scimitar thrown away. 

He took the hand and threw away his own longsword, “ **I hope this is not a mistake, but God seems to want us to live, so I shall trust you for now.** ” Nicky said in the only language he knew other than Latin. As he was helped up the Muslim pointed to the right and started walking that direction after picking up his weapon and sheathing it. Nicky knew this was trust to say the least, to turn you back to a man who had not even an hour ago killed you for what felt like the millionth time is either stupidity or trust, this man was not stupid. Nicky quickly picked up his own longsword and sheathed it before running to catch up with the stranger. What he eventually found after following behind him was a small river or large stream that was cutting through the earth at a slow rate, a gentle current that was of no danger to wade or swim in. Only in that moment did he realise his own thirst, but his thoughts of drink and food were quickly interrupted by movement in the corner of his eye. Hand on his blade he turned to the other man to find him naked of everything, armour laid out on the ground clothes in hand he walked to the water and rinsed them gently in the water. Though he surely felt the eyes on him and did not turn to acknowledge them, he just cleaned his clothes as best he could before resting them on the rocky bed before dunking himself underwater, waiting there for several seconds before coming up, now facing Nicky.

“ _ You need to clean yourself and your clothes, you smell of death and are covered in blood. It is unholy the smell that is coming off of you, _ ” Yusuf mumbled as he splashed water over his face, removing the dirt and blood. Nicky could not understand him at all, but that would not have mattered as he was entranced. This man was strong, that much he could tell from just fighting him, but the proof was there in front of him now. Strong muscles pulled and flexed under skin that was such a hypnotizing colour, not perfectly toned as some of Roma’s Olympic competitors’ none of the abs that he had been trained to mean strength but still toned muscles covered his body. Shoulders and arms strong for wielding a sword at lightning pace. And his legs, God above had to have sculpted such perfect limbs for that is the only explanation. The dark curly hair that made up his beard and hair continued down his chest before tapering off after his pecs, then picked back up below the waist. Nicky knew he was staring and that it was a problem but he could not stop. 

But then a sharp whistle cut through the air, bringing him back to reality and to the eyes of the man in front of him, who was pointing between him and the river, then making a scrubbing motion on his own skin. Nicky understood this and quickly turned before stripping off his armour and shirt leaving his pants on in hopes to hide his own shame. He waded into the water and stripped himself of his pants there cleaning them as best he could before laying them out as the other man had. Washing away the blood and dirt felt amazing, not realising how gross it was to be covered like that till it was all gone, By the time he had finished cleaning himself the other man was fully dressed and waiting on the bank for him to follow suit. 

Turning his back to him he tried to quickly pull on his mostly dried clothes. “ **One would think a soldier would not be so shy about dressing in front of other men** .” It was slow and thought out, and with the wrong pronunciation but still, it was Italian and it came from the Muslim. The sound caused Nicky to turn around quickly and stare at the other man. 

“ **You speak Italian, you speak my tongue** ?” He asked before realising that he had not fully gotten his pants on and rushed to pull them up.

“ **Poorly, but yes. Before all this started I was a sailor and a merchant, had to sell in Roma a few times, it came in handy** .” The man said staring off into the distance as if thinking of a life long past that may never return to him. After a moment he stood and turned to Nicky, “ **Come we must leave, find a safe place, and figure out what Allah has done to us** .” 

“ **God** ,” Nicky corrected instantly while he began to follow, this caused the other man to stop and turn to him with a single raised eyebrow. “ **What God has done to us, this is clearly a miracle of his kind** .” This drew a laugh from the other man as he shook his head 

“ **Maybe it was both of them working together. But first, my name is Yusuf Al-Kaysani, well there is more but that works for now** .”

Nicky tilted his head and fought a smile, before sticking out his hand, “ **Nicolo of Genova, it is a pleasure to not kill you again** .” 

Yusuf turned and started walking, “ _ For now,”  _ he mumbled to himself, “ _ It is a pleasure, for now, Nicolo _ .”

They traveled for months, weary of each other, stealing for food, trying to figure out what was happening to them. Yusuf tried to learn more Italian to converse with Nicolo, at which he quickly picked up, and Nicolo attempted to learn Arabic, but failed very quickly still his pride was on the line so he kept trying. Nicolo would pray as the sun rose in the sky to a god he wasn’t sure was listening, and Yusuf would pray beside him though always facing the east. They would hunt together and then trade what they had killed in town for other things they needed. Nicolo would guard Yusuf during all of his prayers, and Yusuf would make sure they were in a Christain city on Sunday’s for Nicolo to attend service. 

After years they could not figure out why this had happened or if there were others, they still dreamed of the two women who were fighting alongside each other. They eventually settled in a small part of what would eventually become southern France but was not that at the time. They grew close, learned each other’s habits and movements, Nicky learned when Yusuf needed to just hit something after dealing with prejudice at the market, and Yusuf learned when Nicky needed to cry after thinking of his sisters for too long. 

Nicky is still fighting the urges every day, when Yusuf comes in from training the yard when they drink a little too much and their hands drift to each other, when he just longs for personal comfort that they see of the men and women in the market square. He still punishes himself every day for it. During his morning prayers while Yusuf is out for a run or training he will give himself lashes across his back, one for every moment he thought of the other man in a way he shouldn’t not according to the church back home. Still, time makes it hard to ignore their closeness, not with the amount of time they spend alone in a small one-room cabin separated from the rest of the world. There are moments that he can’t stop himself from just staring at Yusuf, as he laughs, as he talks, as he tells stories of his day, as he eats, as he breaths. All of it consumes his waking moments and sometimes his sleeping moments too. He feels more guilt and self-loathing after these moments but that doesn’t stop him. 

However, they seem to be moving in the same direction all the time. They keep finding small reasons to make physical contact, a handshake here, a press against each other in the kitchen there, holding a pin for a second longer than necessary there. These are the best moments of Nicky’s life, to just be able to touch him for a moment longer than appropriate. To listen to how Yusuf laughs as he gets him in a pin on the ground, holding him there and leaning over him. The times they go swimming in the Mediterranean Sea are the best, it is always warm in mid-summer when they go. Yusuf only ever goes in naked as he was when he was born. Nicky does not share his confidence, not when it comes to controlling himself when all of Yusuf us around. He would never act without his permission, not that he would ever actually act on these urges of his, but instead to keep his want from showing so broadly to Yusuf. Nicky can easily say that this was some of the happiest days of their lives. 

But they can only go on like this for so long before they come to a head. 

On a very cold night in late December, Nicky cannot stay warm. He is shivering under the blanket and in all of his clothes that he could find, which truthfully are not a lot. The southern part of France never gets this cold normally so there has never been a need to have a lot of clothes so being wrapped in four shirts and two pants does not help much with the cold. After what feels like hours of shivering Nicky feels movement in his bed. He wants to stop it but is too damn cold to do anything about the intrusion. He does manage to grunt out a small protest as he feels cold cloth-covered feet press up against his legs, but it quickly turns to a soft moan as another blanket wraps his body, and a warm form presses against his entire length from behind. “That cold, huh?” a soft voice chuckles against his ears, “Do not worry, Habibi, it is only I trying to not experience death by cold.” The familiar voice of Yusuf is a comfort to his soul, though he would not admit this to the man. 

“Haha, why not? It sounds like an interesting experience, to say the least,” Nicky quips back trying his hardest to not press back into him for both the warmth and the comfort, this is when he realises something, “wait what does Habibi mean? You have never used that word before.” 

“Haha do not worry about these things, it is a term that applies to you, take that to mean what you will.” Yusuf pushes closer to Nicky pulling him close to his frame leaving the arm that wrapped around his waist to be leveraged. “Now get some rest or else this night will never end.” 

Nicky goes to say something in retort but lets it die on his lips just accepting the sweet comfort that is his immortal life partner. He thinks of how lovely it would be to sleep like this any night he wished for it, and with that, he falls into the best sleep of his very long life. 

The next morning comes slowly and in a peaceful sense that Nicky was not used to but welcomes so much. He stays still and relishes in the warmth of whatever the being that is around him. Nicky allows himself to be held for a moment when he starts to feel the movement, the beard rubbing on his shoulder and cheek, the soft breath on his ear, the warm body pressed up against his whole length, then finally the length pressed up against his ass. He is consumed by it all for a moment before he feels a light brush of lips his jaw and neck meet, this pulls him from the moment causing him to jump out of bed quickly, fully waking up Yusuf with a start. 

“Nico, what are you doing?” Yusuf says while yawning and stretching as he sits up to look at him. He finds that Nicolo is down on the floor curled up into a ball, trying to hide his own excitement in the morning, at some point in the night Yusuf must have gotten warm as he had stripped off both the shirts he had been wearing when he climbed into bed. Yusuf regards him with intense brown eyes before getting down to his level, staring at him. “Nicolo, we have been playing around each other for nearly 70 years, you cannot tell me that you do not feel the pull. We both know what we feel is true. Please come back to bed so we can start this day anew, and hopefully the way we shall start most days.” Yusuf reaches out his hand to him as he stands to his full height, Nicolo can still see his cock straining through his linen pants, upright and proud much like Yusuf on many levels. He was never afraid of who he is or was, does not shy away from details of the past or emotions of the present, Nicolo thought it was brave and then felt ashamed that he could never do the same. 

“ **No, it is not right, it is not how life works. This isn’t right** .” Nicolo mumbles to himself ignoring the hand and curling in tighter, he does not know if he is telling Yusuf or himself, probably both. 

“ **What is not right? The way I feel for you and you for me? How can it not be right when it is as easy as breathing, Nicolo? I have seen so much and learned so much and the one thing I know for certain is that I love you, Nicolo. More than there are stars in the sky or wind on the ocean, I love you** ,” Yusuf says back in his native tongue, how dare he turn such beautiful sounds against him right now. He always loved how his Italian sounded. 

“ **None of it is right, this is not natural, it is not normal, it is not how God has made men, it is how demons and the devil taints them** ,” he replies but he knows that Yusuf can tell that it is him reciting words that had been beaten into him from a young age when there was another boy, one named  Angelo who Nicolo always thought looked like an angel. 

“ _ Allah or God has made us immortal, forever living and forever young, and forever with each other. How can you call it unnatural when it comes easier than breathing. I love you, Nicolo, now to the end of time _ ,” Yusuf challenges back in Arabic, knowing full well that he understands all of it. His name sounds clunky with all the other sounds, but somehow Yusuf makes it sound beautiful and made to be said from him. 

Nicolo cannot take it anymore and he does the only thing he can to stop him from grabbing Yusuf, he prays. Gets down on his knees and starts to call for help, “Ava Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus…” 

“ **Oh please, turn to God for help. You are not in need of help, Nico.”**

“Et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc….” 

“ **Stop, please. You do not need to pray for you to be fixed, there is nothing wrong you have not sinned. To want me is not a sin, Nicolo, as it is not a sin for me to want you** .” Yusuf is now pulling at him but he does not move, instead, he finishes the prayer and starts again. Yusuf lets out a frustrated yell as he does so. 

“ **Look at me, Nico** .” He does not. 

“ **I said look at me** .” He keeps praying hoping the want will die soon.

“ _ I said look at me! _ ” He yells, grabbing Nicolo by the collar and dragging him up pressing him against the wall. When pinned he responded the only way he knows how, with a fight. They punch and kick and slap at each other for what feels like an eternity. At one point they find knives and stab each other with no effect other than destroying their clothes. 

They end up on the bed again, this time both are shirtless and neither remembers or cares how. All they know is that Yusuf has Nicolo pinned and he is struggling to get out, but his wrists are being held by his strong dark hands and as much as he tries he cannot take his mind off of the entrancing dark skin that slides and pulls with each movement. At one point after getting tired of fighting for a second he looks up and locks eyes with Yusuf. At that moment Yusuf makes a choice, that choice is to slam his mouth against the other’s. Hot lips press hard and the feeling is all-consuming, Nicolo can think of nothing other than how right this feels, how he wants this to go on forever. But it stops, Yusuf pulls back and rests their foreheads together, he had not noticed till now that both of his wrists are held in one hand as the other hovers over the string that is keeping his pants on at the moment. 

“ **Tell me you do not love me** ,” Yusuf whispers from above him, “ **tell me you want this to end and to never be touched by me. Tell me you hate me and that you wish I had died on the desert sand all those decades ago. Tell me you do not love me and I will go, but…** ”

Nicolo can only stare at him transfixed on the dark brown that makes up his eyes, he wants to pray to God about temptation but can not. “ _ How can you ask me to lie to you? I love you more than anything on this earth that has or will come to exist _ .” 

They kiss, it is harsher than the first one, Yusuf all but drops onto him, the hand that was holding his wrists finds purchase in his hair and the other hand that was hovering is now working to get both of them out of their pants. It is slow work, and it is not aided by Nicolo as both his hands go to the curls and back of the other man, digging and squeezing in pure pleasure as the kisses go on. Yusuf leaves his mouth and goes for his neck biting and sucking his way down his neck then chest and then each of his legs once the pants are off, ignoring the straining cock as he moves from left leg to right leg. Nicolo cannot stop squirming, moving both hands to Yusuf’s hair as he continues his downward trail. 

At some point, Yusuf gathers some oil from the lamp beside the bed without Nicolo noticing, too distracted by mouth and tongue working out every single knot in his legs. But he feels it when the first finger breaches, there is a quick sense of pain that causes him to hiss sharply before it turns to true pleasure. For the briefest moment he wonders how Yusuf knew to do this, that thought is gone the second another finger joins the first and his mouth is now sucking each of his balls into his mouth. 

Nicolo was still pure, had been saving himself for either a woman his father had chosen or for death, so it takes no time for him to come once Yufus fingers find a small ball of nerves in his ass with the two fingers there. Yusuf sits up and laughs going in for a quick kiss, but Nicolo does not want this to end. It can not end, so the sweet kiss turns searing in a moment and he starts rocking his hips on the two fingers inside of him. Yusuf moans against his mouth at the realisation that Nicolo wants to keep going. “ _ Fuck, Nico, you continue to amaze me _ ,” he mumbles going in for another kiss that is mostly mouths pressed against each other while tongues battle for dominance. At some point, Yusuf adds a third finger. It is not long after that Nicolo gets hard again. The fingers are stretched and pulled and shoved in and out at a rate that is inhuman to most. 

“ **Please, in me, now, I can not take this for longer** ,” Nicolo pleads staring up at the face of the man that is both bringing him pleasure and so much pain. But Yusuf loves him so he gives into his every wish. Quickly spreading the oil up and down his hard cock before pulling Nicolo’s legs further apart and slamming into the loose hole. 

They both curse in their native tongues at that moment. The pace Yusuf sets is brutal and exactly what they both need. After several minutes, Yusuf lowers himself to just his elbows, one on either side of Nicolo’s face, panting and grunting into his ear in between kissing and sucking his neck. The pace slows but the power behind each thrust does not waver, telling Nicolo he is almost done. 

“ _ Say it again _ ,” Yusuf grunts out into his ear, punctuation each word with a thrust. The pleasure is so all consuming that he does not understand at first, then it clicks. 

“ _ I love you _ ,” he moans out after a rather hard and well aimed thrust.

“ _ Again _ .”

“ _ I love you _ .”

“ _ Again _ .”

“ _ I love you _ .”

“ _ Again _ !”

“ _ I love you, Yusuf from the beginning _ !”

With that last confession they both come seconds apart. Yusuf first deep inside as a thrust hits Nicolo right where it needed to be in order for him to finish just after. As they pant and come down from the high, Yusuf leans in close, “ **I love you too, Nico, and I will till I do not walk this earth anymore, and then I will just love you in the afterlife** .”

They still for a while, kissing each other softly and regaining themselves as they do. At some point Yusuf pulls out causing a new emotion to wash over him as he does. He gets up and grabs part of a shirt that was torn off in the fight to use to clean them up, when he returns to the bed he finds Nicolo crying and praying for forgiveness for his sins. Yusuf just holds him while he does. 

It takes a while for them to not have to fight before being intimate. 

It takes a while for Nicolo to not cry after doing so. 

It takes a while for their affection for each other to become as natural as breathing, 

It takes a while for Nicolo to become the softy who loves so much and trusts all. 

It takes a while for Yusuf to become the one made to protect him from this cruel world that does not deserve him. 

It takes a while for Nicolo to become Nicky. 

It takes a while for Yusuf to become Joe. 

But just because it takes a while does not stop it from happening. 


End file.
